(“im still workiing on this”) 

“Hey God, today is the 30th, of coruse”.  You know that already though, “right”. “Shut up, bobby”, as he pats his head, God, hello, how are you?  So you know whats up right!  Yeah, im sorry, But :

Im kinda of confused about shame, what does it mean to be ashamded oe even shamed? 

no that not what im thinking what i am i thinking?

IM SORRY GOD!! what do i do, what do i do? 

As he lays faced down on the floor, his eyes squezzed like a wet balloon flooding his  emotions with so much guilt and pain. HE cries out, “WHY” lord WHY! i could not believe my eye,  my heart felt like so much stress has been lifted.  I knew righ there, i was forgiven”.

The next mourning i woke up refreshed and reay to go.  I walked out side to get the daily news paper, then out of nowhere a scream so loud made its horrible presents know when a car not looking while turning, turned the cornor and hit a little girl on her bike. sending her in the air and collading wiith a stop sign.  The moruning paper boy was at the stop sign reday to cross witness this unentend conseques pertratein retalitions unto the dammed and forgiven.  Suddenly jake awakes out of his coma to his parents peering over him crying and weeping.  What a wonderfull site to see.  Knowing you are alive, i love GOD thatnk you” i thought to myself.

A strange thing hapened that day……………. a few minteues had gone by and my parents and relitives seemed to keeep crying like im not even there.  MOM, DAD,  im, here, im here.  LIsten to me listen to me.  then my body lifeted up like a prison sentce re lives moments of created shame.  My body turn and i see a little boy in the bed, He looked all beat up.  I went in closer, and the closer i got my my heart started to race. My mind started to drift into……
i never wanted anything before.  i reall ynever really nee anything before.  I always wonder why i do that.  I never thought of it before like that.  My whole wordl had changed and i was lost in abayss of my own wants and disres. My emotional state of being on locked down from the sudden intese tramra that young pubpecent eyes should never be at liberty to comprhend.  Why was this happening to me? i was confused! i did understand! WHY ME, WHY ME, Help ME GOD

“are you real god, are you even there? Have you not ansewed any of my prayers, please answer me?  my eys are shot because of you,  you aade me like this.  I never choose to be blind. i never choose to be gay.  You made me ths way.  WHY god, why do i put my self threw the torcher. Why not just give up!  WHY DONT YOU SAY SOMTHING,  WHHHHHHY………….

He falls to his kness and starts to pray. ” im sorry”.

Give me a second i lost my train of thought.  My God, Look at the time. Im late for school again. “Bye honey” his wife yells as he running out the door.  “Bye i love you”.  God im late, im late, late, late, thoughts of alice and wonderland and the rabbit enterrain his mind.  HE hopps in the car and starts to putt out and an on coming car almostts side wipes him and the other car spped off.

“Jerk”, see that frank, motherfuckers dont know hoe to drive. Jees man. 

“stop sign”, i know i know, ok, HEy this is a great song turn it up as he turns the song up and start to prees the gas. he looks up and reches for a cd. 

“LA, lalalal,lalal alla, the little girl on the bike singing a nice liite tune on her new bike.

then screeeching tires from an umcoming vehicel behinf the two kids at the stop sign reaching for a cd.

BAM, ramp, screecchh scream, LILLY, NOOOOOOOO.  

Silence every where, smoke starts to fill air and a fire breakes out in the boys car.  Bob heads over to sence. My baby where are you lilly, he says in a panicke why why why  

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